Seriously, if you’re a drug lord out there reading this… do not… I repeat… do not think how cool it might be to get everything you own made out of gold.  No gold guns, no gold porsches… preferably no porsches at all… no gold toilets… no gold collars for your dogs… no gold ride on lawnmowers.  Because it makes people laugh at you.

Look at Tom Ford or Karl Lagerfeld.  Do you see them sitting on gold toilets? No. They have normal toilets (except they are designed by Phillipe Stark).  And they spend their money looking good without looking desperately showy.

If I was you I’d just have one gun. Except the one gun you have has to be the gun you took off the last person you shot. Then when you shoot someone new you leave your gun behind and take their gun as your new one and only gun.  See what I’m doing here, I’m building a mythology around you and your gun without adding any gold. And I built in in three minutes.

Generally, I’m of the belief that all families should get family portraits taken. Mainly so I can quickly gauge whether it’s a family I really want to get involved with.  Seriously, if you’ve just hooked up with someone new, try and get a look at the family portraits hanging up in their parents hallway as soon as you can. Trust me, they will tell you everything you need to know about your new partner. The earlier you see the portrait the easier it is to extract yourself from the relationship.

I like how this guys pitch is both warm and threatening. It’s written using some sort of marketing tourettes syndrome technique which is the exact same technique the Jehovahs Witnesses use when they turn up on your doorstep. “Would you like to be saved from burning endlessly in eternal damnation?” (warm friendly smile) “The first step is to buy this free magazine for $2″ (warm friendly smile)

I think the tattooist was on the phone to his mum when he was doing this.

Hopefully he’s in the U.S talking to Clinton about ending the fashion-embargo that has held Libya in it’s grip since 1984.

Look at the state of Gaddafi’s uniform!  The finishing and attention to detail is atrocious. His medal-patch looks like it was bought from a $2 shop and I have no idea why he has pinned a family photo bordered with red electrical tape to his chest. I’ve seen better tailored uniforms on trick or treat kids. Are there no mirrors in Libya?  No one is buying the ‘all-natural’ black hair either.

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