I don’t know if it’s accidental or deliberate genius, but lately China has been pulling it out of the bag time and time again. Take this car for example.  It is without doubt the finest car ever. 90% Bentley at the back but with a happy-communism influence at the front. Plus, it doubles as a portable podium where the rulers of China can preach their fusion “communism rules but big business is OK too” ideology.

Take note Italy, the Popemobile really needs to step up.

“I’ll be back…. with unbeatable fridge/freezer deals all this holiday weekend!!!”

“Why so serious?… when you can be relaxing in front of a 42 inch Sony flatscreen for no money down and 24 months to pay!!!”

Girls back then knew how to find a man. Draping yourself over the petrol tank with a lit cigarette is bound to get the owner of this bike to come running.

I miss the old days of the Cold War when I’m pretty sure scientists on both sides were using military budgets just to make things for fun. If I was in NATO in the 60′s and saw one of these bad boys coming over the horizon I think i’d be tempted to go and join the other side.  Because a helicopter like this just screams “Hey, were having a pretty good time over here”.

Unlike our fathers and grandfathers before us, modern man can now light a cigarette while shaving and driving.  Why this problem was never solved by the combined great minds of the 50′s, 60′s, 70′s, 80′s and 90′s is completely beyond me when the answer was right before our eyes the whole time.  Thank you China!

Also, if you’re a lady who doesn’t shave then just having the lighter that plugs into your lighter can be quite useful too. Because sometimes ladies have short arms.

Forget your Harleys and your Vespas and your Lambrettas, my money is on the Honda C50 cub as being the greatest motorbike ever made. They pull 65k easily on the flat, you could fix everything on them yourself in half an hour with only three tools, no one ever stole them, and you could happily store them for the winter by throwing them in the river knowing that come summer you could pull them out and they would start first kick.  The seats were always ripped and the odometers always read 999,999 because the C50 was so awesome it would go forever. In fact if you never want to see a mechanic again all you need is a 1970 Honda C50 and a 1978 Datsun 1200 stationwagon. I’m totally going to get another one.

While I was away I had a conversation with my mate Adam who was convinced that the world will one day be run by a super race of beautiful people.  His thinking is that all the beautiful people will continually interbreed with each other until there was a mass of 6 foot, perfectly proportioned uber humans that will control the world.  I said this was all very well and good on paper but the reality is that the majority of beautiful women have an inbuilt stupidity gene which makes them choose the dopiest life partners seven times out of ten.

I don’t know why but women are suckers for fuck ups, which is why the super race hasn’t happened already.  They admire our ungainly bodies for being physically intriguing and our character flaws are repackaged as quirky charm.   My girl, for example,  is completely outside my league and yet happily cooks me food and lets me watch rugby instead of going to see her Mum in hospital.

Some scientist somewhere will have done a study as to why this happens and the conclusions will probably all be about cavemen.  I don’t know why human relationship studies are always concluded with “people are like this because of cavemen” but they all do.  I guess it makes their arguments hard to counter, because to do that you’d have to prove that cavemen didn’t do whatever it is they are claimed to have done.

Interestingly, the “I do these things because my caveman ancestors did these things” argument is not one that the police round here buy in to.

Also don’t bother reading that Men are from Mars book as it’s a piece of crap.

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