Generally, I’m of the belief that all families should get family portraits taken. Mainly so I can quickly gauge whether it’s a family I really want to get involved with.  Seriously, if you’ve just hooked up with someone new, try and get a look at the family portraits hanging up in their parents hallway as soon as you can. Trust me, they will tell you everything you need to know about your new partner. The earlier you see the portrait the easier it is to extract yourself from the relationship.

I like how this guys pitch is both warm and threatening. It’s written using some sort of marketing tourettes syndrome technique which is the exact same technique the Jehovahs Witnesses use when they turn up on your doorstep. “Would you like to be saved from burning endlessly in eternal damnation?” (warm friendly smile) “The first step is to buy this free magazine for $2″ (warm friendly smile)

I’m not making this shit up.

To protest against the local sex trade the Ukrainian Femems womans movement held a big rally where they handed out leaflets, danced in fountains, took off their clothes and wrestled each other in mud.

I hope this sort of thing takes off in New Zealand, because I’d definitely show my support by turning up to all the events.

I think the tattooist was on the phone to his mum when he was doing this.

Look at the state of Gaddafi’s uniform!  The finishing and attention to detail is atrocious. His medal-patch looks like it was bought from a $2 shop and I have no idea why he has pinned a family photo bordered with red electrical tape to his chest. I’ve seen better tailored uniforms on trick or treat kids. Are there no mirrors in Libya?  No one is buying the ‘all-natural’ black hair either.

When it comes to the cola wars I’m pretty much Switzerland.  I’ll drink Coke and I’ll drink Pepsi and i’ll also happily drink generic cola-flavoured-whatever-is-on special-at-the-supermarket.  But I have to say, the new Pepsi branding is not very nice. I understand that brands have to keep re-inventing themselves every few years because they pay a bunch of people to tell them to re-invent themselves every few years – but personally I reckon they nailed it in 1973.  Look at that 1973 logo! It’s so legendary! And I have to agree with Lawrence Yang, whenever I see the new Pepsi logo I think of this too:

There’s probably nothing more unnerving then being in the middle of a firefight and knowing that your opponent can lift a table armed only with his teeth. Especially if that opponent is also wearing green pajamas with pantyhose tied around his head.

It’s a little hard to see but this is a shot of Massai warriors armed with homemade bows and arrows clashing with members of the Kalenjin tribe about a month ago – at least that’s what the blurb underneath the photo said.  From what I can tell the bow and arrows look a bit like the ones I used to make when I was 9 so I’m not sure that this encounter was that deadly. Still, good to get a bit of exercise.

Actually, I think this is probably the only good bit of marketing that Metallica have ever done… I bet it was that psychiatrist guy that came up with the idea.  My personal jury is still out on Metallica… I watched “Some Sort of Monster” last year and I have a sneaking suspicion that the documentary was just a more cleverly written version of “Spinal Tap”  and that in five years time Metallica will jump out of a big cake and go “Surprise! we fooled you into thinking we were a bunch of dicks who had really bad taste in art and let a shrink control our band!”.

On the other hand all Metallica lyrics read like they were written by  13 year old boys…  so who knows?

Tip 51: When on patrol never volunteer to go on point.

Tip 52: When there are 5 of you but only 4 guns make sure you’re not the one left with just a stick.

Tip 53: If there is someone in your group that everyone finds annoying make sure you put him on point.  Give him the stick.

Less then 10 years ago this is what Rave Kids were like.  And there were literally hundreds of thousands of them the world over.  Can you imagine being one of those kids now looking back on their old photos going “that was the most forgettable period of my life”. Well guess what, the rest of us are going to remind you everyday how you squandered your youth dressing up like 5 year olds and listening to the worst music human culture has ever produced. While at the same time some of the most innovative bands were playing at small venues in towns all around you and you totally missed out on seeing any of them live because you were at k-mart looking for soft toys.  You stole your own youth!

UPDATE: Turns out that not only did I offend ravers from 10 years ago* with this post I also offended ravers from right now! That’s right, there are kids in America right now dressing like this and writing blogs about how much they love My Little Pony dolls and how they hope to be Senators one day!

Their blogs are worth going to, just to read the self authored poetry about how hard life is because mom and dad just don’t understand their pain.

Wow, it’s like New Orleans threw a Mardi-Gras for Teletubbies.

From left to right we have: Roo, Envy, Pop Rocks, Stardust, and Geisha.  I kid you not.

*To be fair, I haven’t received any angry emails from the ravers of 10 years ago. Obviously because girls that were doing this 10 years ago are too embarrassed to admit they were doing this 10 years ago.

Kids have it so easy these days. When I was young you had to make your own drugs and they only came in grass flavour. Mostly because we were too young to know that ‘smoking grass’ wasn’t a literal description of what people on TV were doing.

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